USC Law Commencement Speech by Charlie Munger

http://genius.com/Charlie-munger-usc-law-commencement-speech-annotated

the speech was a bit long. I like these words of wisdom most: 

the safest way to try and get what you want, is to try and deserve what you want.

problems frequently get easier and I would even say usually are easier to solve if you turn around in reverse.
In other words if you want to help India, the question you should ask is not "how can I help India?", you think "what's doing the worst damage in India? What would automatically do the worst damage and how do I avoid it?"

envy, resentment, revenge and self pity are disastrous modes of thought

I suggest that every time you find you're drifting into self pity, I don't care what the cause your child could be dying of cancer, self-pity is not going to improve the situation, just give yourself one of those cards.

every mischance in life was an opportunity to behave well, every mischance in life was an opportunity to learn something and your duty was not to be submerged in self-pity but to utilize the terrible blow in a constructive fashion.

if you want to persuade appeal to interest not to reason.

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Well no doubt many of you are wondering why the speaker is so old,
well the answer is obviously he hasn't died yet.
And why was the speaker chosen? Well I don't know that either. I like to think that the development department had nothing to do with it.
Whatever the reason I think it's very fitting that I'm sitting here because I see one crowd of faces in the rear not wearing robes, and I know, from having educated an army of descendants, who really deserves a lot of the honors that are being given are the people here upfront.
The sacrifice and the wisdom and the value transfer that comes from one generation to the next can never be underrated.
And that gives me enormous pleasure as I look at this sea of Asian faces to my left.
All my life I've admired Confucius. I like the idea of filial piety, the idea that there are values that are taught and duties that come naturally and all that should be passed on to the next generation.
And you people who don't think there's anything in this idea, please note how fast these Asian faces are rising in American life.
I think they have something.

All right, I scratched out a few notes and I'm going to try and just give an account of some ideas and attitudes that have worked well for me.
I don't claim that they are perfect for everybody.
Although I think many of them are pretty close to Universal values and many of them are can't fail ideas.
What are the core ideas that have helped me?
Well luckily I got at a very early age, the idea that the safest way to try and get what you want, is to try and deserve what you want.
It's such a simple idea, it's the golden rule so to speak.
You want to deliver to the world what you would buy if you were on the other end.
There is no ethos in my opinion, that is better for any lawyer or any other person to have.
By and large the people who have this ethos win in life and they don't win just money, just honors *unclear*.
They win the respect, the deserved trust, of the people they deal with, and there is huge pleasure in life to be obtained from getting deserved trust.
And so the way to get it is to deliver what you'd want to buy if the circumstances were reversed.
Occasionally you find a perfect rogue of a person, who dies rich and widely known.
But mostly these people are fully understood by the surrounding civilization, and when the cathedral is full of people at the funeral ceremony, most of them are there to celebrate the fact that the person is dead.
And, that reminds me of the story of the time when one of these people died and the minister said, "it's now time for someone to say something nice about the deceased".
And nobody came forward.
And nobody came forward.
And nobody came forward.
And finally one man came up and he said, "well, his brother was worse".
That is not where you want to go! That's not the kind of funeral you want to have you'll leave entirely the wrong example.

A second idea that I got very early was that there is no love that's so right as admiration based love, and that love should include the instructive dead.
Somehow I got that idea and I lived with it all my life and it's been very very useful to me.
A love like that celebrated by Somerset Maugham and his book "Of Human Bondage" that's a sick kind of love, it's a disease. And if you find yourself in a disease like that my advice to you is turn around and fix it. Eliminate it.

Another idea that I got and this may remind you of Confucius too, is that wisdom acquisition is a moral duty, it's not something you do just to advance in life. Wisdom acquisition is a moral duty.
And there's a corollary to that proposition which is very important, it means that you're hooked for lifetime learning, and without lifetime learning you people are not going to do very well.
You are not going to get very far in life based on what you already know.
You're going to advance in life by what you're going to learn after you leave here.
If you take Berkshire Hathaway which is certainly one of the best regarded corporations in the world and may have the best long-term investment record in the entire history of civilization. The skill that got Berkshire through one decade would not have sufficed to get it through the next decade with the achievements made.
Without Warren Buffett being a learning machine, a continuous learning machine, the record would have been absolutely impossible.
The same is true at lower walks of life. I constantly see people rise in life who are not the smartest, sometimes not even the most diligent, but they are learning machines, they go to bed every night a little wiser than when they got up and boy does that help particularly when you have a long run ahead of you.

Alfred North Whitehead said it one time that "the rapid advance of civilization came only when man invented the method of invention", and of course he was referring to the huge growth of GDP per capita and all the other good things that we now take for granted which started a few hundred years ago and before that all was stasis.
So if civilization can progress only when it invents the method of invention, you can progress only when you learn the method of learning.
I was very lucky. I came to law school having learned the method of learning and nothing has served me better in my long life than continuous learning.
And if you take Warren Buffett and watched him with a time clock, I would say half of all the time he spends is sitting on his ass and reading. And a big chunk of the rest of the time is spent talking one on one either on the telephone or personally with highly gifted people whom he trusts and who trust him.
In other words it looks quite academic all this worldly success.

Academia has many wonderful values in it. I came across such a value not too long ago. It was several years ago.
In my capacity as a hospital board chairman I was dealing with a medical school academic. And this man over years of hard work had made himself know more about bone tumor pathology than almost anybody else in the world. And he wanted to pass this knowledge on to the rest of us.
And how was he going to do it? Well he decided to write a textbook that would be very useful to other people.
And I don't think a textbook like this sells two thousand copies if those two thousand copies are in all the major cancer centers in the world.
He took a year sabbatical, he sat down in his computer and he had all the slides because he saved them and organized them and filed them. He worked 17 hours a day, 7 days a week, for a year and that was his sabbatical. At the end of the year he had one of the great bone tumor pathology textbooks in the world.
When you're around values like that, you want to pick up as much as you can.

Another idea that was hugely useful to me was that I listened in law school when some wag said, "A legal mind is a mind that when two things are all twisted up together and interacting, it's feasible to think responsibly about one thing and not the other."
Well I could see from that one sentence that that was perfectly ridiculous, and it pushed me further into my natural drift, which was into learning all the big ideas and all the big disciplines. So I wouldn't be a perfect damn fool who was trying to think about one aspect of something that couldn't be removed from the totality of the situation in a constructive fashion.
And what I noted since the really big ideas carry 95% of the *unclear*, it wasn't at all hard for me to pick up all the big ideas and all the big disciplines and make them a standard part of my mental routines.
Once you have the ideas of course they are no good if you don't practice. You don't practice you lose it.
So I went through life constantly practicing this model of disciplinary approach. Well I can't tell you what that's done for me, it's made life more fun, it's made me more constructive, it's made me more helpful to others, it's made me enormously rich, you name it, that attitude really helps.
Now there are dangers there, because it works so well, that if you do it, you will frequently find you are sitting in the presence of some other expert, maybe even an expert that's superior to you, supervising you. And you will know more than he does about his own specialty, a lot more. You will see the correct answer when he's missed it.
That is a very dangerous position to be in. You can cause enormous offense by helpfully being right in a way that causes somebody else to lose face. And I never found a perfect way to solve that problem.
I was a great poker player when I was young but I wasn't a good enough poker player so people failed to sense that I thought I knew more than they did about their subjects and it gave a lot of offense. Now I'm just regarded as eccentric but it was a difficult period to go through.
And my advice to you is to learn sometimes to keep your light under a bushel.
One of my colleagues, also number one in his class in law school, a great success in life worked for the supreme court etc… He knew a lot and he tended to show it as a very young lawyer and one day the senior partner called him in and said, "listen Chuck, I want to explain something to you. Your duty under any circumstances is to behave in such a way that the client thinks he's the smartest person in the world. If you have any little energy and insight available after that, use it to make your senior partner look like the smartest person in the world. And only after you've satisfied those two obligations do you want your light to shine at all".
Well, that may be very good advice for rising in a large firm. It wasn't what I did I always obeyed the drift of my nature and if other people didn't like it I didn't need to be adored by everybody.

Another idea, and by the way when I talk about this multidisciplinary attitude I'm really following a very key idea of the greatest lawyer of antiquity, Marcus Tullius Cicero.
Cicero is famous for saying, "a man who doesn't know what happened before he was born goes through life like a child". That is a very correct idea of Cicero's. And he's right to ridicule somebody so foolish as not to know what happened before he was born.
But if you generalize Cicero as I think one should, there are all these other things that you should know in addition to history and those other things are the big ideas in all the other disciplines. And it doesn't help you just to know them enough just so you can *unclear* them back on an exam and get an A. You have to learn these things in such a way that they're in a mental latticework in your head and you automatically use them for the rest of your life.
If you do that I solemnly promise you that one day you'll be walking down the street and look to your right and left and think, "my heavenly days! I'm now one of the few most competent people of my whole age forward."
If you don't do it, many of the brightest of you will live in the middle ranks or in the shallows.

Another idea that I got, and it was encapsulated by that story the Dean recounted about the man who wanted to know where he was going to die and he wouldn't go there, that rustic let that idea have a profound truth in his hand.
The way complex adaptive systems work and the way mental constructs work; problems frequently get easier and I would even say usually are easier to solve if you turn around in reverse.
In other words if you want to help India, the question you should ask is not "how can I help India?", you think "what's doing the worst damage in India? What would automatically do the worst damage and how do I avoid it?"
You'd think they are logically the same thing, they're not.
Those of you who have mastered algebra know that inversion frequently will solve problems which nothing else will solve.
And in life, unless you're more gifted than Einstein, inversion will help you solve problems that you can't solve in other ways.
But to use a little inversion now, what will really fail in life? What do you want to avoid? Such an easy answer;
sloth and unreliability.
If you're unreliable it doesn't matter what your virtues are, you're going to crater immediately.
So doing what you have faithfully engaged to do should be an automatic part of your conduct. You want to avoid sloth and unreliability.

Another thing I think should be avoided is extremely intense ideology because it cabbages up one's mind.
You've seen that. You see a lot of it on TV you know preachers for instance, you know they've all got different ideas about theology and a lot of them have minds that are made of cabbage.
But that can happen with political ideology. And if you're young it's easy to drift in to loyalties and when you announce that you're a loyal member and you start shouting the orthodox ideology out what you're doing is pounding it in, pounding it in and you're gradually ruining your mind so you want to be very careful with this ideology. It's a big danger.
In my mind I got a little example I use whenever I think about ideology and it's these Scandinavian canoeists who succeeded in taming all the rapids of Scandinavia and they thought they would tackle the whirlpools in the Aaron Rapids here in the United States. The death rate was 100%.
A big whirlpool is not something you want to go into and I think the same is true about a really deep ideology.
I have what I call an iron prescription that helps me keep sane when I naturally drift toward preferring one ideology over another. And that is I say "I'm not entitled to have an opinion on this subject unless I can state the arguments against my position better than the people do who are supporting it. I think only when I reach that stage am I qualified to speak."
Now you can say that's too much of an iron discipline, it's not too much of an iron discipline, it's not even that hard to do. It sounds a lot like the iron prescription of Ferdinand the Great, "it's not necessary to hope in order to persevere."
That probably is too tough for most people, I don't think it's too tough for me but it's too tough for most people.
But this business of not drifting into extreme ideology is a very very important thing in life if you want to have more correct knowledge and be wiser than other people. A heavy ideology is very likely to do you in.

Another thing of course that does one in is the self serving bias to which we are all subject.
You think that your little me is entitled to do what it wants to do, and for instance why shouldn't the true little me overspend my income?
Well, there once was a man who became the most famous composer in the world but he was utterly miserable most of the time and one of the reasons was he always overspent his income, that was Mozart.
If Mozart can't get by with this kind of asinine conduct, I don't think you should try it.

Generally speaking, envy, resentment, revenge and self pity are disastrous modes of thought, self-pity gets pretty close to paranoia, and paranoia is one of the very hardest things to reverse, you do not want to drift into self-pity.
I have a friend who carried a big stack of linen cards about this thick, and when somebody would make a comment that reflected self pity, he would take out one of the cards, take the top one off the stack and hand it to the person, and the card said, "your story has touched my heart, never have I heard of anyone with as many misfortunes as you". Well you can say that's waggery, but I suggest that every time you find you're drifting into self pity, I don't care what the cause your child could be dying of cancer, self-pity is not going to improve the situation, just give yourself one of those cards.
It's a ridiculous way to behave, and when you avoid it you get a great advantage over everybody else, almost everybody else, because self-pity is a standard condition and yet you can train yourself out of it.
And of course a self serving bias, you want to get out of yourself, thinking that what's good for you is good for the wider civilization and rationalizing all these ridiculous conclusions based on the subconscious tendency to serve one's self.
It's a terribly inaccurate way to think and of course you want to drive that out of yourself because you want to be wise not foolish.
You also have to allow for the self serving bias of everybody else, because most people are not gonna remove it all that successfully, the only condition being what it is. If you don't allow for self serving bias in your conduct, again you're a fool.
I watched the brilliant Harvard law Review trained general counsel of *unclear* lose his career, and what he did was when the CEO was aware some underling has done something wrong the general counsel said "gee we don't have any legal duty to report this but I think it's what we should do it's our moral duty."
Of course the general counsel was totally correct but of course it didn't work it was a very unpleasant thing for the CEO to do and he put it off and put if off and of course everything erode into a major scandal and down went the CEO and the general counsel with him.
The correct answer in situations like that was given by Ben Franklin, he said "if you want to persuade appeal to interest not to reason." The self serving bias is so extreme.
If the general counsel said, "look this is going to erupt, it's something that will destroy you take away your money, take away your status it's a perfect disaster", it would have worked!
You want to appeal to interest, you want to do it of lofty motives, but you should not avoid appealing to interest.

Another thing, perverse incentives. You don't want to be in a perverse incentive system that's causing you to behave more and more foolishly or worse and worse.
Incentives are too powerful a controller of human cognition and human behavior and one of the things you are going to find in some modern law firms is billable hour quotas and I could not have lived under a billable hour quota of $2,400 a year. That would have caused serious problems for me I wouldn't have done it and I don't have a solution for you for that you have to figure it out for yourself but it's a significant problem.

Perverse associations, also to be avoided. You particularly want to avoid working directly under somebody you really don't admire and don't want to be like.
It's very dangerous we are all subject to control to some extent our authority figures strictly authority figures that are rewarding us.
And that requires some talent, the way I solved that is I figured out the people I did admire and I maneuvered cleverly without criticizing anybody so I was working entirely under people I admired. And a lot of law firms will permit that if you're shrewd enough to work it out and your outcome in life will be way more satisfactory and way better if you work under people you really admire, the alternative is not a good idea.

Objectivity maintenance.
Well we all remember that Darwin paid special attention to disconfirming evidence particularly to disconfirm something he believed and loved.
Well objectivity maintenance routines are totally required in life if you're going to be a correct thinker. And they were talking about Darwin's attitude, special attention to the disconfirming evidence, and also to checklist routines.
Checklist routines avoid a lot of errors. You should have all this elementary wisdom and then you should go through and have a checklist in order to use it. There is no other procedure that will work as well.

A last idea that I found very important is I realized very early that non-egality would work better in the parts of the world I wanted to inhabit. What do I mean by non-egality? I mean John Wood when he was the number one basketball coach in the world, he just said to the bottom five players, "you don't get to play your spurring partners", the top seven did the whole playing. Well the top seven learned more, remember the learning machine, because they were doing all the playing. And when he got to that system Wood won more than he'd ever won before.
I think the game of life in many respects is getting a lot of practice into the hands of the people that have the most aptitude to learn and the most tendency to be learning machines. And if you want the very highest reaches of human civilization that's where you have to go.
You do not want to choose a brain surgeon for your child among fifty applicants all of them just take turns during the procedure.
You don't want your airplanes designed that way.
You don't want your Berkshire Hathaway's run that way.
You want to get the power into the right people.
I frequently tell the story of Max Planck when he won the Nobel prize and went around Germany giving lectures on quantum mechanics, and the chauffeur gradually memorized the lecture and he said, "would you mind professor Planck just, it's so boring staying on our routines, would you mind if I gave the lecture this time and you just sat in front with my chauffeur's hat?" And Planck said sure.
And the chauffeur got up and gave this long lecture on quantum mechanics after which a physics professor stood up in the rear and asked a perfectly ghastly question and the chauffeur said, "well I'm surprised that in an advanced city like Munich I get such an elementary question, I'm going to ask my chauffeur to reply."
Well the reason I tell that story is not entirely to celebrate the quick wittiness of the protagonist.
In this world we have two kinds of knowledge, one is Planck knowledge, the people who really know, they paid the dues they have the aptitude.
Then we got chauffeur knowledge, they have learned to travel the talk. They have a big head of hair, they have a fine temper in the voice, they make a hell of an impression, but in the end they've got chauffeur knowledge… I think I've just described practically every politician in the United States.
And you are gonna have the problem in your life of getting the responsibility into the people of the Planck knowledge in a way for the people who have the chauffeur knowledge, and there are huge forces working against you.
My generation has failed you to some extent. We are delivering to you in California a legislature where only the certified nuts from the left and the certified nuts from the right are allowed to serve and none of them are removable.
That's what my generation has done for you, but you wouldn't like it to be too easy would you?

Another thing that I found is an intense interest of the subject is indispensable if you are really going to excel. I could force myself to be fairly good in a lot of things, but I couldn't be really good in anything where I didn't have an intense interest, so to some extent you're going to have to follow me.
If at all feasible you want to drift into doing something in which you really have a natural interest.

Another thing you have to do of course is have a lot of assiduity. I like that word because it means sit down in your ass until you do it.
I've had marvelous partners all my life. I think I got them partly because I tried to deserve them and partly because I was wise enough to select them and partly maybe it was some luck.
But two partners that I chose for one little phase of my life had the following rule and they created a little designed build, construction team. And they sat down and said, 2 man partnership, divide everything equally, here's the rule; "whenever we're behind in our commitments to other people we will both work 14 hours a day until we caught up."
Well needless to say that firm didn't fail! The people died rich. It's such a simple idea.

Another thing of course is life will have terrible blows, horrible blows, unfair blows, doesn't matter. And some people recover and others don't. And there I think the attitude of Epictetus is the best. He thought that every mischance in life was an opportunity to behave well, every mischance in life was an opportunity to learn something and your duty was not to be submerged in self-pity but to utilize the terrible blow in a constructive fashion. That is a very good idea.
You may remember the epitaph which Epictetus left for himself, "Here lies Epictetus, a slave maimed in body, the ultimate in poverty, and favored of the gods".
Well that's the way Epictetus is now remembered. He said big consequences. And he was favorite of the Gods! He was favored because he became wise, and he became manly. Very good idea.

I got a final little idea because I'm all for prudence as well as opportunism.
My grandfather was the only federal judge in his city for nearly forty years and I really admired him. I'm his namesake.
And I'm Confucian enough that even now I sit here and I'm saying, "well, Judge Munger would be pleased to see me here."
So I'm Confucian enough all these years after my grandfather is dead to carry the torch for my grandfather's values.
And grandfather Munger was a federal judge at the time and there were no pensions for widows of federal judges so he didn't save from his income while my grandmother *unclear*. And being the kind of man he was he underspent his income all his life and left her in comfortable circumstances.
Along the way in the thirties my uncle's bank failed and couldn't reopen and my grandfather saved the bank by taking over a third of his assets, good assets, and putting them into the bank and taking up horrible assets in exchange.
And of course it did save the bank and while my grandfather took a loss he got most of his money back eventually.
But I've always remembered the example. And so when I got to college and I came across Houseman, I remember the little poem from Houseman that went something like this:

"The thoughts of others
were light and fleeting,
of lovers' meeting
Luck or fame.
Mine were of trouble,
And mine were steady,
And I was ready
When trouble came."

You can say, "who wants to go through life anticipating trouble?". Well I did! All my life I've gone through life anticipating trouble and here I am well along on my 84th year and like Epictetus I've had a favored life.
It didn't make me unhappy to anticipate trouble all the time and be ready to perform adequately if trouble came. It didn't hurt me at all. In fact it helped me. So I quick claim to you Houseman and Judge Munger.

The last idea that I want to give you as you go out into a profession that frequently puts a lot of procedure and a lot of precautions and a lot of mumbo jumbo into what it does, this is not a fast form which civilization can reach. A fast form which civilization can reach is a seamless web of deserved trust. Not much procedure just totally reliable people correctly trusting one another. That's the way an operating room works at the Mayo clinic.
If a bunch of lawyers working *unclear* process the patients would all die.
So never forget when you're a lawyer that you may be rewarded for selling this stuff but you don't have to buy it.
In your own life what you want is a seamless web of deserved trust. And if your proposed marriage contract has 47 pages my suggestion is do not enter.

Well that's enough for one graduation.
I hope these ruminations of an old man are useful to you. In the end I'm like the Old Valiant-for-Truth in The Pilgrim's Progress;
"My sword I leave to him who can wear it."

彭浩翔記俞琤的二三事

來源：
http://hk.apple.nextmedia.com/entertainment/art/20160109/19444663

『會議期間，俞琤讓我學懂了一件事︰在沒有想到比現有版本更好的情況下，別去隨便踢人家的創意，因為純粹批評是沒有意義的，除非你不在創作當中。...在電影中，要是沒有改善現有製作的方法，而只是評論着，那你的角色只是一個影評人，而不是真正的創作人。

她想要一個東西，總有辦法拿到。她曾經跟我說︰「不要只想着希望得到甚麼，要先問一下自己，為甚麼別人要給你。」...同理心能讓你懂得逆位思考，然後開出一個讓對方較易接受的交易條件。

記得有天跟俞琤約了十一點開會，我慣常又遲了半小時，在步入商台大堂時，頓感充斥着一股詭異氣氛，接待處的人都看着我，然後望了望前面。我隨着她們的目光看過去，原來俞琤正在大堂等我，憑她的坐姿可以猜得出，應該已有一段時間了。我知道同事們可能在想︰為甚麼俞琤會坐在這裏呢？啊～原來在等一個約了她開會卻遲到的年輕人。
於是我馬上跟她說抱歉（當然，那只是表面功夫，這個我早已習慣）。她不但沒說甚麼，還拉我去吃早餐，我說不用了，她反過來驚訝的問我是否吃了。我被她這樣一問，嚇得不敢再回話，只好跟她一起去吃早餐。在整個早餐裏，她甚麼也沒說，只是這種沉默，卻比指摘來得更有力。自此，我再沒有遲到，不只是約了她，其他活動亦然。』

太子爺如何搞彎一間公司 by CK﹝轉載﹞

引用自：https://thestandnews.com/society/太子爺如何搞彎-一間公司/

呢幾日睇新聞，諗起件唔多關係嘅舊事。

好幾年前，認識的一位前輩，將佢自己間公司，交咗捧俾佢果位響外國讀飽書回流嘅寶貝仔打理。太子爺接手之後，認為公司裡面嘅夥計，大部份都響度hea做，於是推出咗一系列評核員工表現嘅方案出嚟，仲跟足啲國際大企業既做法，將每年評核結果最差嗰10%嘅人炒魷。

前輩同個仔講，咁樣唔掂㗎，會逼死班夥計，但太子爺認為老豆咁諗就過時了。今時今日競爭激烈，唔願意競爭只代表你應該被淘汰，所以一意孤行要推行新嘅評核制度。

冇人喜歡改變，最初聽到要評核既時候，班夥計梗係媽媽叉叉。但係打工既，除非唔撈架遮，否則新老細話要咁，佢地又可以點？於是乎，大家都只能默默接受，並努力做得好啲，但求唔好變成最差嗰10%，保住飯碗。

這個評核制度，頭一年得到很好既效果，同事既業績同效率真係有明顯既提升。太子爺自不然也沾沾自喜。我仲記得佢同我講過：「就係因為公司有評核制度，而家加人工減人工炒人魷魚，對同事既一切賞罰，皆變得理直氣壯，唔似以前老豆揸旗嗰陣咁，咁人治，乜都要拍膊頭。」我不以為然，只知道，現實世界嘅事情，同MBA課程裡面那些case study，往往有好大出入。

過咗頭一年之後，情況開始改變了。一班夥計們，開始適應嗰個評核既制度，而工作嘅重心，亦從幫公司揾錢，變成聚焦響「點樣響個評核制度上拿高啲分」。以Sales Team為例，佢地要避免成為業績最差既10%員工，理論上佢地應該努力跑數，總之努力啲，努力啲，再努力啲去保住飯碗，呢個係老闆嘅如意算盤。但班員工後來發覺，要避免自己成為最差嘅10%，除咗自己加油外，原來還可以靠「搞衰」你同事條數，等佢幫你墊底，咁一樣可以響個評核制度之下力保飯碗。評核制度既第二年開始，類似既「破壞」行為，響佢公司裡面變得越來越流行，特別係市道唔好既日子，大家都要保飯碗，揾生意又難，於是「搞衰同事」變成公司裡既主流生存方法。結果係點？當然係變成公司到處都係politics，而且整體業績大跌。

前輩終於忍唔住，問太子爺點解會搞成咁：「早就叫你唔好搞咩評核架啦！」

太子爺既反應，亦係意料之內：「老豆，你唔明，根本就唔係個制度有問題，而係制度之下，呢班夥計自己既態度有問題。佢地本來就應該努力啲做好自己，而唔係斷章取義咁去面對呢個制度。」

對此，我既解讀係，商業機構對員工既所有制度，都有一個引導性的。這個制度會引導出怎樣既行為，係管理層既責任。冇可能話，係班員工take it with a wrong attitude，就可以推卸制度失誤這個責任。

評核制度是否有存在需要，我傾向不能一概而論地下判斷。但我個人經驗是，評核制度最大的好處，是「方便管理」多於「提升效能」。很多時候，沒有評核的壓力，長遠而言會有更大效益。

又，假若決定評核制度有存在必要的話，制度的策劃人，應該早有心理準備，任何制度都會變質，人性是，為了得到更多利益/避免失去既有利益的前提下，會因應制度去改變工作的重心。所以要確保制度有效，是要有大量的maintenance，並且不斷優化制度，好讓它不會變質。

太子爺的公司，在問題爆發以至業績大跌的兩年間，同事的表現早就有端倪，顯示制度嚴重變質，大禍可期。為何真係要去到業績大跌嘅時候，先至識得開始去思考應對方法？這個責任，在員工，還是在管理層？

仆街既管理人員，總係習慣將問題推卸落去，話員工用不當態度去應對上面壓落去既policy。不斷強調「當初」制度原意係「好」，絕對係無意義，只會更加顯示出，這個管理人唔夠班。

重要既，永遠都係「現在」，而唔係「當初」。

男女感情系列 — 公主病，死得快！ by 龍震天﹝轉載﹞

引用自：http://www.lungchuntin.com/blog/男女感情系列-公主病，死得快！-2/

現時香港有兩個最近數年才冒起的 term — 港女，公主病。

今天想談一談公主病，有些台灣或大陸朋友可能不知道；公主病者，即患者以為自已是公主也；而且這是針對女性而言。

以為自已是公主，有甚麼特徵？就是甚麼都以自已為中心，甚麼都要別人服侍；覺得自已是世界上最漂亮的，不停問人自已是否很美。

她們大抵都不是邏輯的人。她們有沒有想過，公主之所以成為公主的原因嗎？

就是因為她們有權，有錢，所以才成為公主；引申現代，有錢的女性我知道有很多，但願意花錢在男人身上買服務的女人，我相信少之又少。

在等價交換的情況底下，她們有甚麼可以和別人交換？美色？有些是有的，但性格難以接受，到最終都不會有好結果。

驅使我說公主病，是因為最近有一好友，認識了一位公主。本來開始時發展得甚好，但女方後來公主病發作，男方即馬上作出轉變。

那位公主，是一間大企業的 Sales Manager。算是有姿色，身材中瘦，不算突出，追求者眾，但沒有一個長久。

我的朋友一早已經對她有好感，他專對漂亮的女性有興趣。在追求之前，他有問我意見。

我和這位公主是多年朋友，所以我絕對有資格給中肯的評語。

友人也知道我是感情專家，我的意見對他而言，當然有參巧價值。

我跟他說：「這位公主你和她做朋友可以，但成為情侶，我送你四個字：「死路一條」。」

友人大吃一驚，他想不到我說的話是如此直接，也幻滅了他的夢。

為甚麼我如此肯定他「死路一條」？因為我和這位公主相交多年，我絕對清楚她的為人：做朋友倒是不錯的，因為在朋友的身份而言，她絕對不會公主病發；但做情侶，我知道她很有個人意見，也很沒有個人意見，所以一定有問題。

有個人意見，但又沒有個人意見？不是很矛盾嗎？對呀，就是矛盾，所以令對方無所適從，現實生活之中，不是有很多感性的人嗎？合情合理之至。一時說沒有所謂，對方出了 offer 之後自已又意見多多，這就是有個人意見，但又沒有個人意見。

我跟朋友話說在前頭，我已經告訴他，三個月肯定出事。

我跟他剖析了事實。事實是，公主不停有拖拍，不停有男人追求，但很快又分手。這個事實背後所帶出的事實是，她有姿色，所以吸引到男人的興趣；但她的脾氣難以接受，所以每個男人和她交往了一段時間之後都會離開。

我的朋友和她開始約會。在開始的時候，大家也很順利，每天都通電話至半夜兩，三點鐘，然後在兩個星期之後開始約會出來見面。

我的朋友和我說，他們有說不完的話題，大家都很開心，對將來充滿希望；而我只看事實，事實是，公主友人不停有人追，但每個追求她的男人在短時間之內又會打退堂鼓，當中必有原因。

到大家發展之後，就出事了。

每次出來，女方都說不知要去甚麼地方，到男方提議，自已又有很多意見反對，令男方不勝其煩。

拍拖不到一個星期，男方就說要送禮物。我道：「為甚麼要送禮物？」

不是黑心，這是一個等價交換的世界。男方在愛情上的鐵律是，女方要做你指定的動作，你才給她禮物也不遲。有節日例如情人節，聖誕，生日，也可以送。但拍拖只是數天就送禮物，太不可取；因為這樣男方就沒有好好的 manage expectations.

你知道這件事是何等的重要嗎？

我有時甚至乎覺得，事情好和壞其實不是最重要的，最重要是懂得怎樣處理對方的期望。
我們做人，永遠都要 over delivered. 這麼快就送禮物，那之後的日子要怎樣？對方的期望只會越來越高，自已的擔子只會越來越重。

男人沒有自信心就會這樣做，因為怕失去，而急忙找狗餅拋出。
這正是大忌。

男方送禮物給女方，女方看到，只是輕輕看了一眼，語氣平淡，說了一聲：「謝謝。」

男方愕然。他期望女方會很開心，但他顯然忽略了事實，感性思維發件。

公主有很多都是見過大場面的人，否則她們也不會成為公主。

那男方送的禮物，只是一些很普通的小禮物而已，女方沒有太大反應，有何出奇？

只是男方期望過高而已。他在對我說的時候，我只在想：「勞力士嗎？」

其實一開始時就不應該沒頭沒腦在拍拖一個星期就送小禮物。

送禮物過後，女方很快就出現本來的個性 — 公主病，需要人呵護，照顧。

那女人要人呵護及照顧是應該的，但不能夠太過份。

我常說，無論男的或女的都一樣，你需要調校，不停的 manage expectations，感情才會好。

但男方顯然沒有做到此點。女方在之後的一個月之中，不停的發脾氣，需要男的去呵護。

他問我有何方法。我馬上對他說：「你應該不找她呀！」

他繼續問我，除了不找她之外，有何方法。

這就是感性男人思維，他們都會：
1. 問你問題。
2. 當你答了理性的答案，而不符合他們的期望的話，他們就會問：「有甚有其它方法？」
3. 而他們心目中的答案，通常都是又要魚，又要熊掌；例如：「我要一個有樣貎有身材的女人，但我要確保她沒有人追求，所有的男人都會對她不感興趣；而我又要她專一對我。」

我預期不出半年他們就會分手，而他們在相識四個月之後，男的完全不能接受女方，分手了。

（你是否在命運之中感到難以適應？其實未必是命不好，只是你不知道自己的整體人生藍圖和命運軌跡而已。我常說，如果連甚麼顏色，數字，方位旺自己也不知道，那人生又怎會有運？清楚了解自己一生，一定好過盲目亂撞。與其一生猜猜度度自己的命運，倒不如清楚了解自己的命運軌跡，及知道自己現時是否跟命運軌跡有所偏差。

龍師傅設有論命及堪察陽宅風水服務，紫微斗數一生論命為港幣一千八百元，陽宅風水以建築面積計每呎九元，最低收費三千八百元，歡迎致電 82040102 預約或電郵 info@masters.com.hk 查詢詳情）

男女感情系列 — 思維感性最終累死自己 — C 小姐的個案 by 龍震天 ﹝轉載﹞

引用自：http://www.lungchuntin.com/blog/男女感情系列-思維感性最終累死自己-c-小姐的個案-2/

今天為大家帶來C小姐的個案，幫助大家在感情上的思考能力。

C小姐的個案

我說話不太好，要師傅你多運用理解能力。

我有一個個案，應該是你網誌的好題材。

（龍師傅：網友或客人的故事，都會是我網誌的好題材，在此也不妨告訴大家，如你有感情問題想我回覆，最好是寫網誌給我分享，如有時間，我會考慮在網誌上回覆你。

太多網友以為我一生的工作，就是免費為各位男生女生，解答感情問題，還要是二十四小時那種，半夜SMS我也有，Facebook 找我傾訴心事也有；但我好想告訴你們，這是沒有可能的。我有限的時候要分配給很多人，我只能說，如要平均分配給我的親人，朋友，客人，網友，粉絲，我想每天每人也不會分得多過一分鐘。

你要我解答感情問題，最有效及最有機會得到我回覆的方法，就是放在網誌或電郵給我，說明我可以一字不漏地公開你的電郵；而當然我不會公開你的名字，但請註明。

曾經有網友說我可以公開她們的電郵，但只能部份公開，然後就告訴我那些事情可以公開，那些要刪除；也請你們留意，我的回覆是免費的，有權利必有義務，我真的沒有義務去花上半個小時幫助我一個從未見過面的網友做內容加減改，所以請你自已想好，預備好才給我，謝謝！

也趁此機會解釋，為何有些網友接二連三問我問題，我也沒有回覆。）

我會告訴你我的想法，也希望你告訴我知男生的想法。

故事是這樣的……

我男友開始時好錫好痴我每天見。但過了兩個月左右，他突然變得很冷淡。我向他哭訴，我也不是要求常常見面，只是求取安全感而已，不要捨棄我就可以了。他說不關第三者事，只是醒覺沉醉和我一起，要拾回放低了的工作。

（龍師傅註：真對不起，我又要傷你的心了，在等價交換的理論之中，我不是告訴過你嗎？就是你的好，比他想要工作或沒有興趣和你交往的價值為低，所以他就離開了。）

自從那次之後數天他都不太理會我。其實，我一向不痴身的，少主動電話短訊，回覆比較多；見面先會小鳥依人，好冧。我覺得是我平時太冧，太順佢意，所以他欺負我，我就故意做小動作，發脾氣，但還是過意吾去，向佢道歉之后最後一句，他說他和我見面才說。

（龍師傅註：故意做小動作，這些我看你以後也不必了，你接二連三多小動作，根本就是令男人最討厭的行為；你知道嗎？我的鐵律是，如果有女人對我做小動作，我根本連哄她也不會，馬上走，而且也作出分手的預備；這樣做，就是高級招數，目的是調教對方的預期值（manage expectations），正如教小狗一樣，她做不到你的要求，她就不能給他奬賞。

邏輯是：她要引你注意 –> 她發脾氣 –> 你不奬賞她，不哄她 –> 你不應該受她的脾氣 –> 她不能得逞 –> 以後不會再犯同樣錯誤有何不合理？

可憐女人過了這麼多年，還在跟著自已那套「自以為很邏輯感情邏輯去做」，所以一塌糊塗。

我跟你說一個事實，男人是最討厭女人發脾氣的，這是大忌。）

可惜，他整個月都沒有找過我，我也沒有找他，因為我想自己多些籌碼才找佢。

（龍師傅註：有甚麼籌碼？我不太明白，不見面一個月就會令他很掛念你嗎？會的，條件是男人不停找你，但你不回應他，不和他出來見面；但在這件事上，事實是，男人整個月都沒有找你，是他主動沒有找你，明白了沒有？

他整個月不找你，合情合理之至；而你卻以為，不見一個月，就有很多籌碼？那你應該五十年不見他，到時你的籌碼多到可以將整個賭場買下來了。

所以我常說，人不常看事實就是這個道理。）

其實，我自己都試過對男友說冷靜一下，但不是因為我喜歡其他男仔。我的想法是希望佢某方面需要改進，所以不可一齊相處，又不致於要分開。但通常個男仔都會接受吾到，發颠，令我連朋友都吾想同佢地做。其實如果佢地冷靜同進步，我會繼續同佢地一齊的。所以今次，我自己就冷靜同報course.

（龍師傅註：其實不明白這個邏輯，這些都是感性的邏輯，我很難理解。

我喜歡吃牛，但我不想牛為我而死，於是我就到餐廰吃。這句話有問題嗎？）

但其實，男仔講冷靜下，是否有同樣想法？覺得我進步便可一齊？抑或已經想分開？

（龍師傅註：傻女，人家說冷靜下，你想想也知道是想分手吧？只是給你一個好的下台階，不是他直接說和你分手而已。你看了我那麼網誌，還不明白？還是扮作不明白？如果真的不明白，我請你以後的網誌也不要再看了，請你由我第一次的感情網誌看起，一直看到這一篇；你要背好，然後應用得到。

看你的回覆，你根本不明白感情，也不會用到適當的技巧，例如故意發脾氣，是女人大忌；你犯的全部都是大忌。）

其實一向我是個工作狂，常常忙於工作，但這個男友看見我工作辛苦，直接給錢我作為家用，也租地方給我住，但吾俾我返工，怕有其他男仔追走我，叫我去做spa facial,行街，讀書。

（男仔可長可短，這些明顯就是短視的男人，就是和你拍拖兩個月，上了床，看看技術是否可以，是否能夠滿足他才看看下一步怎樣做，你現時已經不合格了。

對不起，我真的說得太白了；但說得不白，很多人都不會明白，又不停的問我。

他有錢，可以做很多他想做的東西，很多女人都會願意的。因為不用付出又可以得到愛麻！

只是這班蠢女人，從來沒有想過等價交換；你用甚麼同人交換？對方可以從你身上得到甚麼好處？）

我見佢好似好錫我，便放棄了辛苦得來心愛的工作。原來想報Master，但過了報名期限，要等下年，我唯有讀短course。

（這是致命傷。傻的，為了一個男人放棄一些完全不是等價交換的東西？你要記著，你的付出，男人在過後未必會欣賞的，損失的一定是自已。

有沒有想過如果男人有一天走了，你會怎樣？我想你從來沒有想過，現時男人想走，開始想了。

還未發生這事情的女孩子，請你好好想一想，好好記住，將來有機會遇到，記著這件事：在等價交換的情況之下，切忌放棄自已的東西，而令自已條件降低。）

每一次和他見面的時候，我一定打扮到是全場最美的一個，也會下廚，由女強人變小女人。

上個月，佢已冇俾家用我，但我仍住他替我租的房子，我應去工作嗎？我去工作應先問他嗎？

（還在問應否工作以及工作前是否要問男朋友？他沒有給家用給你，理性的人也會想到他想離開了，還在問是否應該去工作？如不工作，就致電男朋友問他要錢嗎？真的很不合邏輯；也因為不合邏輯，而發生了一連串合乎邏輯的事件。）

對上一個男朋友覺得我甚麼都沒有為他做過而不要我，所以我今次會買小禮物同下廚，但他卻告訴我甚麼都不用做。

我送東西給他，他都會給我錢；我煮的東西，他一開始的時候也有吃，過了一段時間以後就沒了。

其他朋友話食過話好味好靚，但佢可能食開珍餿百味，所以不稀罕。

我拍過好多次拖，其實與我一起能長久的男友少之又少，通常一兩個月就沒了。但成日換，好累。師傅，你覺得我命運，性格定哪方面缺少了什麼？我好想改進！怎樣才可長久？

龍師傅感想

C 小姐是我的客人，我對她特別有印象。因為她貎美，聲甜，人高挑，身材又好，是典型的模特兒樣子及身型，而且很懂打扮。

也因為這樣，她不難找到男朋友，我想她隨街搭訕，一天找一個都可以。

但沒有一個男人可以和她長久，為甚麼？這是因為性格問題。

她可能年紀還小吧，所以無論在說話，思想，行為上，都未必能夠得心應手，我覺得可能還需要多一點歷練，人才會進步。

另外一個問題，就是在思想上不夠理性，這點也是我常常說的女生的問題。

最大的障礙是，明知不可為而為，明知結局會是自已不想看到的結局，卻不願意去接受，然後就將似乎合理的解釋套進事件之中；到理所當然的結局出現時，自已卻又要扮無知的去問為甚麼，這最不可取。

人要接受事實，這是我在 day 1 就說明的，然後在往後的日子之中，就不停重複著我 day 1 已經說過的理念。

有些人相信，有些人不信。但不論是否相信都好，事情都會以它應該的軌跡發生，無一例外。

意外總有，但這是說人生吧，例如交通意外；但在平日工作，感情之中，絕少意外。

即使有，也是「自以為是意外的意外」。

所以，接受事實，理性思維，按牌理出牌，你就能夠得到能力範圍之內可以控制得到的結局。

後記

這件事情之後，還有一個小插曲。

話說C小姐將這個故事告訴我，她說將會是我的網誌好題材，我也同意，於是就說我會在有空的時間回覆。

但C小姐好像不太滿意，說要馬上回覆她，因為她要馬上行動，她不知道是否應該在翌日找她的男朋友。

她說她很久沒有工作，而且不能沒有收入，當時是深夜十一時二十八分；我當時已經睡了，即使我沒有睡，我也未必能夠即時回覆。

沒有想過，她在兩個小時之後，即凌晨一時半，她再傳口訊給我，說我傷害她的心靈。

？？？
？？？
傷害了她的心靈？

我馬上想到，我在晚上找我的哥哥，我哥哥已經睡了，然後我在半夜，再傳送一個口訊給他，說他傷害了我的心靈？

？？？

我在晚上十一時找李老師，問他一個問題，李老師睡了，然後我在凌晨，再傳送一個口訊給他，說他傷害了我的心靈？

？？？

從這個 gesture 你已經可以看到，為甚麼她貎美，聲甜，很容易結交男朋友，但沒有一個男朋友可以長時間和她相處。

我不是她的男朋友，她也可以這樣毫不客氣要我馬上回覆（這點在我而言感覺是很奇怪的），那當她的男朋友，你可想而知她的要求；完全是感性的要求，毫無理性。

這些完全都不是理性的思維。

說回她的內容，她說很久沒有工作，而且不能沒有收入，那唯一的答案是，她要馬上工作，以換取收入，這是理性答案，多一句也沒有，講完。

難道她期望我回覆她，她在翌日可以聯絡男朋友，然後男朋友突然改變態度，對她很好，繼續不用工作？

這也是感性。

無奈，感性思維的人每天都在我身邊出現。

希望你們看過這篇網誌之後，引以為戒：「事情，永遠不會因為你所想而發生的 — 如果你是感性人的話。」（龍震天）

「事情，永遠都是你預期所想發生 — 如果你是理性人的話。」（龍震天）

（你是否在命運之中感到難以適應？其實未必是命不好，只是你不知道

自己的整體人生藍圖和命運軌跡而已。我常說，如果連甚麼顏色，數字，方位旺自己也不知道，那人生又怎會有運？清楚了解自己一生，一定好過盲目亂撞。與其一生猜猜度度自己的命運，倒不如清楚了解自己的命運軌跡，及知道自己現時是否跟命運軌跡有所偏差。

龍師傅設有論命及堪察陽宅風水服務，紫微斗數一生論命為港幣一千八百元，陽宅風水以建築面積計每呎九元，最低收費三千八百元，歡迎致電 82040102 預約或電郵 info@masters.com.hk 查詢詳情）

謎一樣的牆

按：起牆的累，撞牆的也累，兩人的相處難道是求苦的？
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有啲女仔就係鍾意起座城牆嚟保護自己 by 田小姐﹝轉載﹞

引用自：http://www.vjmedia.com.hk/articles/2015/05/16/106858

最近朋友A突然燥底：「都唔知依家啲女仔究竟諗緊咩？」阿A好少會問啲咁嘅問題，佢個樣唔差，身高17X，又識得搞笑，所以都有好多女仔鍾意佢。跟住佢同我講，原來佢最近追緊個女仔，但個女仔對佢忽冷忽熱，好地地傾偈可以傾好耐，不過當阿A表示對佢有好感，佢就即刻縮沙，搞到阿A唔知點好。我即刻擔心佢係咪入左伍都唔知，但A就話個女仔唔係會收兵嘅人。

「我其實鍾意佢嗰陣佢已經有男朋友，不過佢半年前分左手。聽講係個男仔搵左第二個。」

哦！原來係想乘虛而入。

佢笑笑口咁話：「有位唔通唔入咩。」跟住佢又嘆氣：「但佢好似唔鍾意我。」

我學佢咁嘆左一口氣，然後拍一拍佢膊頭話：「佢唔係唔鍾意你，佢係唔敢鍾意你暏。」

有啲女仔，天生鍾意築牆嚟保護自己。佢地多數對愛情好認真，所以未揾到一個啱嘅人之前，佢地係唔會將自己嘅城牆拆落嚟。如果想追佢，你大約要花多幾倍嘅精神同時間，因為佢會不斷考慮，不斷測試你究竟係咪一個適合佢嘅人。如果你花唔起時間嘅話，我勸你都係另謀高就，不過如果你咁有決心想同佢一齊，請你一定要肯定自己係一個可以保護到佢、令佢可以一世幸福嘅人，如果你做唔到，你就唔好害人啦。你咁樣唔單止害左個女仔，仲害埋人地嘅真命天子。追佢地係好難，不過正因為難度高，你所得到嘅回報就越高，因為呢種女仔一但選定你，佢就會用盡心力去愛你。大約朋友A所講嘅女仔就係呢種人。呢個女仔曾用盡畢生心力去愛一個男仔，但點知個男仔竟然搵左第二個，好似你起樓咁，你第一次起完唔隱陣冧左，第二次再起梗係加多啲鋼根水泥起穩啲啦。個女仔為左第一個男仔拆左座城牆，冧左之後，佢唯有再起一座更高嘅城牆去保護自己。

其實無論男女都係，拍過一次拖，衰左，有啲人會愛一個上一課，變得越嚟越好，有啲人會自暴自棄，變得越嚟越濫，有啲人更會怕左拍拖，寧願單身。不過無論係邊一種人都好，都應該擁有被愛嘅權利。

「咁我應該點做先可以令佢相信我？」阿A好苦惱咁問。

「無㗎啦。精誠所至，金石為開。」然後我用「有陰謀」嘅眼神望住佢話：「不過我覺得你都係check清楚你係咪俾人收左兵都唔知先啦！」

佢「哈哈」咁乾笑左兩聲，然後繼續低頭whatsapp佢女神。

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鍾意起座城牆嚟保護自己啲女仔，可能只得賤男嚟拆牆 by 十里夫﹝轉載﹞

引用自：http://eros.vjmedia.com.hk/articles/2015/05/21/92449

風流才子Anson最近又甩拖，去年回哲學系讀MPhil的他三個月前不知如何成功媾到一位名為Diana的理學院final year女生，看Facebook照片是文靜內向型，早幾日status正式轉回single。

「追完正式拍拖兩個幾月，追嗰陣仲開心過拍嗰陣，搞唔掂，無謂煩。」Anson一如以往不介意向我們解釋分手原因，此時其賤男、情場騙子之名大概已在Diana的朋友圈子間廣傳，我們則只暗自慨歎阿寶又要出動。

據了解，Diana再對上一個男朋友已是中七時分手的同班同學，上大學後拒絕了數位理學院狗公的追求，結果卻在final year下學期被Anson用個多月時間攻陷，正當預備認真開展這一段戀情時Anson卻提出分手，以致在家哭了整整數天，而Anson則說已經特意等她考完試才分手，盡量減低影響。

「你條仆街根本係追到手後就覺得冇晒刺激感所以即刻話分手，知唔知咁樣可以好hurt架？」好友Kenny似乎這次也看不過眼，加入聲討行列。小弟則忽然想起近日看過一篇題為《有啲女仔就係鍾意起座城牆嚟保護自己》的文章，覺得頗為適用，於是也share出來炒花生。

不過Anson似乎對這類供讀者投射自己以建構自我身份認同的感情類文章特別嗤之以鼻，少有地認真回應說：「咪霎戇啦！又要真命天子又要老奉等人追，仲話要起城牆保護自己嚟等人拆？你自我物化成一幢牆在先，一味被動冇互動，咁咪得返拆嗰下有刺激感，拆完咪就再冇價值囉！你當正自己係牆咁比人拆嘅話，咁咪只能夠睇邊個拆牆技術高，怨乜春冇真命天子比人hurt啫。」

「個問題係你知自己係玩家，人哋仲係情場初哥，當初就咪搞人啦！人哋真係分分鐘以後比你搞到有陰影架！」

「咁一來嗰陣真係有feel，二來我從來冇隱暪過我啲情史，你情我願，佢要揀我呢條仆街係informed choice嚟架喎。放心啦，佢呢啲咁唔知自己想點同要乜嘅女人，就算冇真命天子，衰極到三十幾歲咪又係會受唔住社會家庭壓力是但走去搵個人結婚生仔，終會搵到件嘅，大把人係咁啦。」

「＿！所以咪話你正一仆街。」深明Anson性格的Kenny，雖然覺得其說法十分刻薄，但似乎亦無法提出有力反駁，最後沒他好氣，隨便將話題換掉作罷。

小弟其實是覺得Anson應多一點體諒其他人在感情問題上未必能像他一般理性和有經驗，但對那種只是一味等人追卻又要怨沒好男人追的女性，亦是不敢恭維。沒甚麼是理所當然的，包括真命天子的存在，要麼改變自己，要麼改變他人，不然就一起去改變，否則——其實也沒甚麼否則，有感情沒愛情地跟錯的人就這麼一世，結婚生仔，比比皆是，還是活得下去，死不了的。在未肯作出改變這一點上，Anson和Diana，其實都是一樣。（當然，小弟這種死毒男，毒足廿幾年，其實也沒資格說人甚麼。）

「某程度上根本係Diana自己final year驚畢業都出唔到pool，兼誤判以為自己係可以靠認真付出去改變Anson嘅人，先會明知佢個底咁花都仲要受媾啫，係可悲，但間唔中總係會有呢啲人，冇計。」這是當日嘗試聲討時早已知道真相的Kenny事後說的，Anson倒從未提及此原委，到底算不算是他以自己的方式對前女友所給的最後保護，反正事不關己，小弟無意深究。

不與君子鬥名，不與小人鬥利，不與天地鬥巧 by 鼴鼠的土豆﹝轉載﹞

引用自：http://www.douban.com/note/261586826/

不好意思，我寫的不好，不過這篇文章真心不是討論分辨君子與小人的。

我以前做臨終關懷志願者的時候，曾經陪過一位老奶奶，老奶奶過世以後，我逢年過節會去看她的老伴，是位已經90歲的老爺爺，最近去看他，正好我有一些人際交往上的疑惑，就跟他說了，他告訴我這樣一句話：「三不鬥：不與君子鬥名，不與小人鬥利，不與天地鬥巧。與君子圖利，與小人圖名，與天地圖機緣。」

老爺爺跟我解釋這句話，跟別人交往的時候，不要去貪圖別人重視、在意的東西。貪圖人家在乎的東西，相處起來就有問題。投其所好，給對方一些對方需要的東西。君子看重名望，不要跟他爭名望。小人重利益，不要跟他爭利益。跟君子共事，把名望讓給他，就能得到利益。跟小人共事，把利益讓給他，就能得到名望。不要偷姦取巧，踏實的順勢而為，機緣自然就會來了。這就需要先傾聽，然後思考，想明白對方的好惡，然後才能長長久久的相處。讓狗看家就給骨頭，讓馬拉車就得給它草料。回來的路上，我想這件事，覺得這就是我在管理課上學的「雙贏」理論。比如我和老爺爺的交往，我沒有給老爺爺金山銀山，老爺爺也沒給我，我們倆卻都能真心真意的與對方相處。只是因為我曾經在他重病的時候，代替他陪著他看重的老伴，而他在我疑惑的時候，給我一些有經歷，有智慧的建議。因為這種互相的付出，互相的收穫，才能讓這種關係這麼長久。

當雙方付出的不再均等或者不再是對方需要的東西，就會出現裂痕，需要雙方的調整。很多時候，我們會聽到一句話就是「我是為你好」。其實說這話之前，要先想想這是不是對方想要的，是不是你該提供的。其實我想表達的是大家一起相處，不要光覺得我付出什麼，也得想想對方想要什麼。如果我付出的和對方想要的沒有呼應不光對方不領情，還會得到反效果。

想到一個例子，是位阿姨，當年她在工廠的最後一項工作是負責下崗職工通知的。同樣一個工作，做她這個工作的很多人被人罵，被人打。她卻因為這個事，得到了很多人的擁戴，以至於她下崗以後開了公司，公司裡很多員工是當年她通知下崗的。她給我講過一個工作技巧，是她自己總結的，想處理好一個事，就是想明白了當事人想要什麼。想繼續工作的，有一技之長的，就幫他辦理個體執照。不想工作的，就幫助他領補助。有事業心的，幫他想想有什麼創業的路子。沒事業心的，就給他找個基層工作，讓他繼續上班。每個人都得到了想要的，雖然生活改變了，但是有新的希望，就沒那麼多矛盾了。

這個問題很深奧，暫時只能想到這麼多。就寫這麼多吧！ ！ ！ ！